Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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