I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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