At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
