When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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