I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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