Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Randomize
