I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
worst night to have a conscience
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
