Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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