Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
