You smell like stripper and shame
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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