Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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