Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You left your phone here
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