Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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