shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
