Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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