Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize