Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
