hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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