He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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