A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
