i always forget guys have bellybuttons
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
