hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
