it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
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Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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