I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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