There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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