I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
