i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
