Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
