Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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