well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
