Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize