Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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