i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
