Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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