At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
