Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
