im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
