need another drink. this is the easiest way
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well I just put wine in my tea
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
