This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
