I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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