AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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