life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
