i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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