im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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