i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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