Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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