Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
