as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
