What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
