im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
