he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
