I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
