its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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