i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
