Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize